Bro...You are not alone...

Tonight, I had a talk with my younger brother and it broke my heart.

I know the last 2 years have been tough and it was never his style to let others into his inner feelings, being the big man like he has always been. Pride is the wall he has built around the pained and battered soul that was once innocent, hopeful and warm...

I suddenly felt like crying, besieged by a foreboding sense of hopelessness that I know he now lives with, of which I am also certain that there is no way I, nor anyone for that matter, can ever seek to empathize or understand.

In my mind, memories started to run amok...maybe it was me trying to piece up the enormity of the entire situation, of a life hanging in limbo, seemingly losing all anchors to humanity...my brother's life. I suddenly found myself back in Primary 3, on the very first day of school, my mum's words ringing in my ears..."Take care of little bro...it's his first day of school..."

Everything stopped.

Frozen in my mind's eye are images of all the instances I believe I had failed my mum's request...from his decision to skip junior college, to his eventual sign-on with the forces, I had not been there...for him.

I had not been a good brother, had been too focused on my own needs within my own little world. I did not do enough and really hoped that I could have done more. Alas, as much as I want to go back in time and right wrongs I thought could have led to perhaps better present or future, but I know I can't, I know there is no way anyone can...

But if there is one thing I can do...one thing I want him to know...is that...Bro, you are not alone...

The past is gone and the future is yet to be... There are still many more good years to come and if the path is bumpy and difficult now, know that your journey will not be a lonely one. Even though we can never know how you feel inside, no matter how we can try, know that it is not for us to know...but for us to journey this path with you...

I believe you know that...deep inside, only now, I ask you to...believe.

Bro, you are not alone.